Before you can defuse an argument with your spouse you first have to decide that winning at your relationship is more important than winning the argument. Once you’ve made up your mind that the relationship matters most, you’re ready to implement the 3 Ways to Defuse an Argument and Get Your Peace Back.
[Disclaimer: The following 3 Ways to Defuse an argument will not always feel easy to implement, but their effectiveness are both proven and timeless. Commit to implementing these 3 keys and you’ll take your marriage to a whole new level!]
1 – Choose To Yield.
In the midst of an argument stubborn pride will always be there whispering in your ear, “hold your ground, don’t back down, make him see it your way – anything else is weakness.” Nothing could be further from the truth.
The bible teaches us that “love…does not demand it’s own way” (1 Corinthians 13:5) and that we must be “…willing to yield” (James 3:17). You’ll be shocked at how quickly peace will return to your home the moment you take up the heart of a servant and stop demanding your own way.
2 – Soften Your Tone.
Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.” Sometimes in an argument we’re tempted to use volume as a means to validate our point, but all it ever does is add fuel to the fire.
Refuse to let your feelings dictate your tone in an argument. When you’re tempted to start shouting, remind yourself that YOU are in charge of your emotions – not the other way around. Choose to respond to your spouse with a tone of honor and respect. By doing so you’ll be pouring water on the fire rather than fuel.
3 – Listen First.
When you can feel a disagreement coming on, decide that you’re going to be the first to listen. By doing so you not only show your spouse that you value their feelings, but you also eliminate the spirit of unhealthy competition right up front. You’re creating a safe environment which sets the tone for when it’s your turn to talk.
When you’re listening, give them time to talk about their feelings while resisting the urge to cut them off or defend yourself while they’re sharing. Often times the reason an argument isn’t over when it ends is because someone didn’t feel heard in the process and so it keeps coming back around in the hours, days, or weeks to follow. James 1:19 says it this way, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry…”
[shareable cite=”@PastorTHall”]Somebody has got to be the first in an argument to break the cycle of pride before it consumes all of your peace.[/shareable]
Somebody has got to be the first in an argument to humble themselves and break the cycle of pride before it consumes all of your peace. When you choose to yield, soften your tone, and listen first you’ll almost immediately sense your marriage getting stronger and the peace returning to your home.